CEO Guest Blog: Glad tidings we bring? - How to make sure *everyone* enjoys the annual festive marathon

A blog by your NASHpride Employee Resource Group (ERG)  

This season is brimming with family gatherings. Whether it's Thanksgiving in the USA, Hanukkah for the Jewish community, Christmas for Christians worldwide, or New Year's celebrations, it's a wonderful time for loved ones to come together and cherish each other's company.

Whilst I hope they are the happy celebrations we all hope for, we can’t ignore they also bring stress and pressure. For some members of our community, those stresses are felt more keenly.

As an ERG, we wanted to share the personal reflections of two members of the LGBTQIA+ community and provide some practical advice for allies wanting to make sure everyone feels able to be themselves during this busy period.

I hope it is a good, reflective read, and mostly – happy holidays.

David (NASHpride ERG co-lead)

Navigating the Holidays: A Queer Perspective on the Festive Season

For many different reasons, the holidays can be a really difficult time for anyone. Whether you are missing someone this festive season, gathering with distant family members is stressful or you just are not feeling the festivities, you’re not alone.  

There is a lot of pressure to have an amazing time during the holidays, and, when it isn’t perfect, it can be very disheartening. From a queer perspective, Christmas has been particularly hard in the past and continues to be with some family members.  

For many people, we only see some relatives during December; some that may not be very supportive about our identities or choices we have made throughout the year. My experiences are not unique, but it doesn’t make it any easier for any of us. Some of us may feel the need to hide parts of ourselves throughout the holidays, however it doesn’t take away from who we are.  

Whether you have to introduce your partner as your ‘friend’, or have to put up with the Uncle you see once a year misgendering you, you are valid, and these engagements do not undermine your identity. There is fun to be had this festive season, even though it may be hard at times. Surround yourself with those who love and respect you as much as you can and enjoy the season your way!  

Samuel Bailey, Nash Squared

Christmas  

I’ve always loved the build up to Christmas more than the day itself, and I think this largely comes from what Christmas day meant when I was younger: seeing family which weren’t accepting, or I wasn’t out to.  

Christmas dinners were stressful to say the least. I felt that I had to hide myself away and toe the line, which was exhausting: playing a caricature of myself that was more palatable- and overwhelming- with the noise and chatter; I couldn’t wait to go home.

Theres a phrase used: “dinner table syndrome”- which describes where everyone chats over one another, at the dinner table, but for individuals who are neurodiverse, deaf, or hard of hearing, this can be not only an intense struggle to keep up with conversations, but can also feel isolating. They can feel left out or forgotten, as they aren’t included fully into conversation / considerations of their needs aren’t met. “Dinner Table Syndrome” can make the holidays immensely difficult.

As I got older, I learned the importance of chosen family, surrounding yourself with the people who accept you and support your needs, which I know is a privilege that not all share, and I am so thankful for my chosen family, and how special they made the holidays for me.

Now though, being newly engaged and having moved halfway across the country, I still have worry for the day approaching, as it will be my first Xmas away from home, with my partners family instead. Although they are accepting and have welcomed me with open arms, it’s still new traditions, untread territory and most of all, I’m away from “home”- which feels isolating and scary in its own right.

All this is to say, the holidays can be a jolly day, but for some it can be really stressful, so it’s vital we are conscious of everyone’s different lived experiences and extend a hand to one another, and be empathetic to each other’s struggles, regardless of our own perceptions of the festivities.  

Owen Wilson, Crimson.  

How to be an Ally during the Festive Period?

Make sure to create a Welcoming Home Environment.

Ensure everyone feels welcome and included in celebrations, the time of year can create anxiety or stress for people. It’s a great opportunity to gather your friends around to host your own ‘Friendmas’, an inclusive and welcoming gathering, which can be particularly important for those who don’t have a supportive family environment. The Festive Period can be celebrated in a number of ways, but the most important thing to remember that it’s a time for everyone to feel included and a sense of belonging.  

Use correct Pronouns and Names  

The Festive period is about coming together and celebrating. Using correct Pronouns and Names ensures everyone feels included and valued within a group. Make sure you are setting a positive example to family members and friends to help educate and influence those who may not yet understand the importance of these practises. When coming together with family and friends, as an ally, it’s important to break down barriers and promote a positive culture of acceptance and equality.

Extend an Invitation  

Many LGBTQ+ individuals may feel isolated during this period, especially when they are not accepted by family or friends. It can be a time of heightened loneliness. Extending an invitation on Christmas Day can offer a lot of support, an invitation is a powerful act of Allyship, encouraging others to be more inclusive and understanding and most importantly providing individuals with a safe space.  

Emily Maddocks, Harvey Nash.

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